Boobies are awesome. They give out the best - and only, as far as I know - food ever. They’re nice and soft, perfect for sleeping on. I can’t think of anything better in the whole world. The second best thing - food-wise - are my mittens, which I keep trying to eat. So far, unsuccessfully.

When I’m hungry, I stretch my neck out so hard, my parents freak out that I’m going to break it or something. They’re so careful with my head and neck and I couldn’t care less: nothing gets in the way of boobies. Once there, I like to play with the nipple using my nose, like a wine connoisseur sampling a fine vintage.

Sometimes I fall asleep while eating, but when my Mommy tries to take me away from the breast, I suddenly wake up and grab on to it like my life was depending on it. Other times, I eat and eat until I get so tired, then let go of the nipple and fall asleep. Then I move in my sleep and get poked in the eye by the nipple.

When I’m done, I look wasted, like I got drunk on milk. Well at least somebody in this household can be called a drunkard.

Looking for food...

The quest for boobies is neverending. Sometimes I’d try to grab Daddy’s as well. It’s most confusing after I spit on his shirt and it smells of milk.

...in all the wrong places
...in all the wrong places

Oh, did I mention I like farting while breastfeeding? And that I smile after?

In other news, I just turned 1 month old! How cool is that?