My first road trip ever was the car ride home from the maternity ward. I was well fed and tired, so I slept the whole time. Daddy drove the safest ride of his life - license exam included - and by late afternoon we were home.

Once there, Mommy fed me while Daddy assembled a bassinet for me so I have a place to stay in the living room during the day. I was very hungry so I ate and ate until Mommy was exhausted. Still, I was fussy all evening and refused to sleep in my bed. At night, I kept waking up - first every hour or so, then every half hour.

The next day I slept in my bassinet for most of the time, which prompted my parents to expect another busy night. Daddy even joked about it, so I made sure to keep him up for the first few hours of the night. Who’s laughing now, funny man?

The morning found me fussy again. We were supposed to get ready for my pediatrician visit, but I kept delaying everything by pooping and crying. Then - when they finally got me in the car seat - I vomited, so we left an hour late.

I aced my doctor visit and then we went to a place for Mommy to get help on feeding me. When we got back home we found all kinds of packages for me, from family and friends. Daddy spent the evening setting up a swing for me. Can’t wait to try it!

At night, Mommy was not feeling well, so Daddy took me in the living room and kept me company all night. Every few hours we’d have to wake up Mommy for some food, but we let her rest in between.

In the morning we had to go to Wichita again, so that Mommy can see her doctor - she had some pains during the first week, but since then she healed up nicely. Knowing what happened yesterday, they started getting me ready even earlier. I waited till they put me in the car seat and I let out a big, stinky, wet poop. Long story short, we left an hour late again.

When we got back home we found even more packages waiting for us. By now we have an entire room filled with diapers, wipes and other baby essentials.

For once, I was quiet the first few hours of the night. I noticed Daddy couldn’t sleep - all that coffee he drank while driving had to keep him up at some point - so I just slept peacefully. I mean, what’s the point of throwing a fuss if there’s no one there to wake up? I saved it for later, when he finally fell asleep.

After my first night feeding I waited for Mommy and Daddy to replace my poopy diaper and - as soon as they were both in firing range - peed on them. Achievement unlocked: two birds with one stone!

And speaking of fun things to do, my favorite activity so far is farting while I get fed. It feels great. After all, I can only fit so much inside me, and with my voracious appetite, something’s gotta come out. I heard Mommy mention on several occasions that even though I’m just a baby, I fart at a grown-up level. Overachiever? Yessir.

That’s about all for my first week. I hear Grandma is coming over to help for the next two. One more adult to keep up at night, then. Challenge accepted.